I’m old enough to have a vague memory of the world before wokeness and, yes, PC. So I do want to point out that even then the cliché among many women was that “men are children”. Assuming the role of “Big Mother” who imposes her authority on others (the “children”) for their own good is a classic female strategy for taking power. Mother is understanding and benevolent. So this is not a recent thing. What has reallly changed I think is that societal authoritarianism used to code male and now codes strongly female. Also, there is social pressure on both sexes to conform to the “Big Mother - Little Boy” model. And that of course is super visible with young people.
Based on anecdotal observations of my grandmothers, aunts, mother, her friends, wife, sisters their friends, women I dated, woman school work and church friends, women want- 1. Maturity, 2. A breadwinner salary or the potential for one. 3. Someone who is in love with them.
Let’s not forget the “daddy issues” girls. Even many of those girls that don’t end up strippers or having substance abuse problems are still damaged goods. The emotional damage is usually just below the surface and they often look to a boyfriend for a solution to their childhood problems. Those ladies will later marry those boyfriends and the bumpy road begins.
Beginning a relationship in a skewed manner often leads to a series of problems later in life when the girl realizes that her husband isn’t her father. Then she discovers that she was misguided when the relationship was blossoming. Now her husband isn’t her father figure or her life partner, but more of a roommate. Except she has kids with her roommate…and that’s weird, borderline creepy to her.
Now the husband and kids bear the burden of her trying to navigate the feelings she has after the realization that she likely made a mistake many years ago when she chose her mate.
Can these marriages be salvaged? Sometimes, yes and sometimes never. But left in the wake of it all is a defeated husband that wanted his 2.4 kids and a wife to grow old with. Those 2.4 kids are also emotionally drained and have watched a dicey marriage sometimes dwindle to the roommate status, torpedoing their chances of having a normal marriage when they are of age.
It’s a mess and very few women will publicly admit any of it, let alone be proactive in repairing the damage to society.
To the men out there, be a man and teach your kids to be young men and young women. Do not rely on the ladies in their life to be their only role models, or else this cycle won’t ever be broken.
And moms need to teach their daughters to be wives and mothers, and think for themselves. The world lies to us all but particularly girls and women. They need mom and dad to encourage her healthy life goals. Not chasing a cubicle from a boss who doesn’t give a damn about her. Not trying the be a “boss b*tch” influencer or turning to Only Fools to “get that bag, girl.” And particularly not going hog wild on a sexual frenzy in college because “you’re young, go ahead and sleep with the bad boys.”
I can hear the responses already. “ Misogynist”, “puritan”, etc.
i’m not making it up. It’s women who have invented “situation ships“, who encourage each other to “have a roster of dudes to sleep with“, have normalized “friends with benefits“, having one night stands, and abusing drugs and alcohol, basically. Degeneracy from age 15 to 30. A decade and a half of hedonistic degeneracy, and then she expects to be the wife to a good guy? She doesn’t deserve him anymore.
These gals today then brag about their “trauma“ and being “on their healing journey.“ I’ve never seen so many people brag about their mental weakness. But it’s a trend, and women like trends.
Let’s be honest here: every single human being experiences some form of trauma throughout their life. Period. When that trauma or tragedy strikes, there are only two routes. One is harsh, ugly, and demanding; the other, easy and the lowest-hanging fruit. You become a survivor or a victim. End of story.
With that being said, can a relationship heal? ONLY if the victim in them is reborn a survivor and does the ugly work of growth, discipline, and self-reflection.
Yes, these marriages are salvageable if and only if both parties are willing to look introspectively. I’ve seen it. It usually involves allowing the other party to be who they were designed to be, which is something they’ve never tried but are willing to try.
The problem is not women who want a feminized man, the problem is they’ve been brainwashed to think they want a feminized man. It’s a lie floated for the purpose of destroying a beautiful culture that brought together strong families. Somewhere along the way, narcissism took over, all according to a plan designed to destroy a strong and loving family system. Such a cruel way to gain power and control. Nothing is perfect, but destroying families or the potential for families is an evil “ends justify the means” endeavor.
There you go. Great way of putting it. And it’s true. All of it.
Evolutionarily speaking (which is a great presupposition to start from), women want males who can protect and provide.
Breaking down the family? Yes. A group of university professors here in the states (Columbia U being the catalyst) in the late 1960s gathered regularly to plot the destruction of the American family because it was the biggest detriment to the inculcation of communism. This didn’t just start.
Ok, so out of curiosity I browsed through the upstream material leading to this excellent post and guess what, every opinion about men is written by, women! I’m a man, longtime married to a woman I still struggle to understand even after decades of putting lots of effort into it. But the reality is that it’s the same the other way around! Women, particularly academic lights, seem to believe they know and understand everything about men, apparently because they’re simpletons. Men are not retreating of their own will, they’re protecting themselves from constant attacks on the very core of their being, and this by women who couldn’t even change a tire.
You’re absolutely right! It took me almost a year to find a men’s health certification and work on learning about men’s hormonal development, women don’t care (many.) I have wonderful men in my life and a son and I care and it took WORK to try even find masculine information of any kind. I’ve been fortunate in my work (more than half my clients are male) and they’ve helped me understand them better and this led me to this amazing work I do now. I too don’t understand women and I am one. I think understanding men helps me be a better woman.
Feminism is to femininity as brutes are to gentlemen. I used to adore girls and still try to be a perfect gentleman but it is sad to see how many have jumped off the pedestal into the sewer of meaningless sex. Dating should not mean f...king.
According to some recent statistics and also experience in my own work, many women (in particular) are no longer having sex altogether. They think it’s gross. I wish I was kidding.
I’m not suggesting that they jump into bed. But the human need and hormonal intuitive need for physical intimacy is gone. Period. These new relationships between young men and women are based on social media likes and occasional dates, zero intimacy, even kissing. This is a massive problem.
Are you serious? I almost feel like your response is trolling and I regret engaging with your work now. You can find posts elaborating the problems with it ALL OVER this platform. If you seriously haven’t seen these arguments, it seems like you may not even spend time on the platform.
Anyway, if you are actually asking in good faith (which I have to say, it seems like not), I’m linking comment summarizes the arguments pretty well. AI art is theft first of all.
I was asking in good faith and your response makes me wish I hadn’t.
I guess I’ll have to go tell a few highly successful psychologists, including some of the world’s leaders in big five traits, dark triad traits, lead researchers, authors and professors at excellent universities. Because they’re using AI as the main pic on every post.
Might as well stop using GPS, because that’s AI and must be theft too among most of the other services we rely on these days. Thanks for stopping by! 👀
One thing you can be sure, Harvard humanities if grinding on the next “flame making” thesis. The super smart girls are relentlessly precocious! The upshot from my realm, few are listening to any of them!
The biggest single complaint I have heard from men about women is NOT they aren’t into sex enough. That might be #3. #2 is chronic shopping. #1 though? Having to tiptoe around women because of their hard to handle explosive emotions. Men often CAN’T express emotions because of the meltdowns that would occur in their spouses. The idea women are having to tend to their man’s emotions completely flies in the face of most guys experience. Now….I am 74. Maybe it is different in under 30s.
Finally read the entire text. Very well articulated and presented. I have come to most of the same conclusions (the long hard way)just in time to be in my 70's and luckily ended with full-on alpha man but extremely intelligent and figured it out for himself also. The others I know who understand are couples of very long-term marriages. My parents and many more in the previous generation knew how to make it work. My conclusion is "the 60's, the women's lib, the bra-burning" and other political stuff (only safe word since I would use really nasty adjectives) changed everything into a FIGHT. I went that way for a time but not after becoming a mother (1985, age 32). And there were many injustices but they went so far overboard. And then all the "causes" morphed together into a money-and-fame making political "non-trad" MOVEMENT.
It is like the pendulum of politics - to the left, then the right but hopefully somewhere in the middle is the ideal balance!
Thank you so much for your experience and thoughts on this topic. You know what I find most interesting? This “bra burning” “enlightenment” was laughed about in Israel and Russia, which I find so interesting. Most progressively developed countries which have been around longer than the U.S. do not have these issues at all. It’s comical and painful to see unravel here in the United States as a naturalized American!
Very few men consider what a woman does for a living an addition or subtraction to their attractiveness.
The reason why so many boss babes struggle in dating? The men these women are attracted to also have high powered careers and aren't interested in dating another version of themselves.
Yes. It’s about education, statistically speaking. Which may imply status. I think females’ natural proclivity to want to be protected is one explanation for why women want to marry a man with higher education. High education implies commitment, attention to detail, consistency.
The other thing about any sort of male-oriented focus is that guys don't seem to be wired that way. Women organize and advocate to make the world in their image.
Men don't do that. They just check out.
And now you have a bunch of socially engineered men who succeed in modern society, but are unattractive to women. And the men that they are attracted to want no part of that society.
I have always suspected that matrilineal societies and matriarchies have always existed in history. They just never lasted long enough to create a historical record. Why? Because the men just leave.
Statistically speaking, men are far more likely to marry a woman who has the same education or below, and women are far more likely to marry men with the same education or above.
Now take the fact that males are 40% of college degree earners (70% 40 years ago) and you have a dating disaster.
I agree with you about the status. What women seem to forget and some men too is that the marriage itself bears fruits one can’t attain just by picking status. Somehow the act of love is no longer part of the conversation. Happy and successful marriages grow from within. One day you marry a plumber the next he owns his own plumbing company. Why is that? Because he married the “right” partner. Someone who loves him. This is all lost… it went to shit. Now it’s status, materialistic and the ugliest part, even the sex is gone!
Brent is correct though - what explains that statistic is that women usually won't select men below their education level, not that men select for the same.
When my long-term wife and friend looks at me strangely and asks what I'm thinking about and I reply "nothing." What I really mean is I'm having a quiet moment, in my mind, with my self. We (me and Me) might move some shit around but basically we don't talk much. Just a little, light house work.
Here’s an observation. A course in “Men’s studies”? What a waste of time and money. That will only get you a job as a barista (which is just a bullshit word for “coffee maker”). No man wants this and “Women’s studies” also won’t get anyone a decent job either. Put down the little black rectangles and actually live life rather than “curate” it with Instagram or tiktok.
more waffle from over credentialled cretins with well paid non jobs and too much time on their hands; so they luxuriate in a warm scented bath of smug hot air production. The best and brightest. What a fucking joke!
I am pretty funny. I’m sure it was in there somewhere, but I somehow missed the constructive thought or idea you may have concerning the issue in the article. Please help me understand better.
no constructive thought or theory per se just a bone weariness around so called “educated” types who are really merely learned by dint of reading echo chamber books and articles; and who pontificate endlessly about meaningless drivel which then gains traction in the zeitgeist as other weaker minds or worse, cunning ideologues grasp it and latch on to it as another dismal trope with which to bludgeon us more peaceful and well mannered souls who crave peace.
It really pisses me off when academics, usually tax payer funded, make big money and enjoy a long and safe career out of said mischievious mendacity when honest blue collar work is woefully underpaid (mostly).
I personally admire people who can weld, make stuff, mend stuff or grow and create useful stuff; practical people, not theorists.
A pox on the economists, social scientists and diabolical PR demons.
I have had a lifetime of being unwillingly enmeshed in theories and academic luxury head farts which have very destructive real world consequences for us ordinary folk, who basically, are well capable of running our own lives without the nannying and constant whinnying of the “clever” types.
Clever is to cunning as sales is to marketing in my red neck view.
Lets not get into the political manipulation and rampant ideology of many of the sort of ideas that your article alludes to as that conversation would gallop recklessly into endless rough country.
Tell you what did impress me though, your admirable non perturbed reaction to my pissy comment on your article. A cool head when under fire is a fine thing.
Well this was a breath of fresh air. I'm new to this insanity. My significant other who has spent more of a year avoiding me and our daughter is moving on. Now that I have been reading some of this new way of looking at men It sounds familiar..
Thank you for your middle ground approach. I read the stuff women are writing about men and well, I told one person her article was affectively hate speech. On the other side yeah a lot of that is just hate speech as well.
I feel like the man friend problem, Something I didn't even know was a problem until recently is extra unfair because men are in many ways expected to stop hanging out with their friends when starting a relationship.
I have seen this happen to almost every guy I know. The girl needs his constant attention, and don't like the idea of him going out with his buddies, for fear he will find someone else or whatever. By the time she feels comfortable to let him out he has lost the habit of being social.
So yeah I see nothing wrong with her assisting with his reintegration if that's what she needs him to do, but I don't think men need social interaction as much as women, and there's some projection happening.
When I was living with one of my best friends. We would affectively not talk to each for days. We would cook and clean and play video games together without really saying anything. One girl left him because she found it to weird.
Believe it or not, a lot of women like their space and time as well. You’ll never see any of them in movies or hear their songs because it’s anti-climactic but he we’re here, I promise.
Joseph, love your take here. You’re on to something. Notice that you were with your friend but you didn’t always communicate verbally. Men relate side by side through action. Men process negative emotion through action. Women do both with words, face to face.
So we do need other men. But we don’t need a bunch of words. We need a guy to be next to us in the boat casting a line. Then when it’s right, he’ll say, “She said she wants a divorce.” This is how men relate. And you’re right, less words.
I also fully believe that guys need their guys friends and girls need their girl friends. Neither should be compromised for the others’ insecurities.
I'm glad you are trying to spread the understanding of how men express there emotions just differently. I'm afraid for the young men out there that are being told there is something wrong with them because the don't express there emotions in the same way as women.
I was trying to help a gentleman who counsel's young men to express there feelings "correctly". I tried to encourage that the men should also receive understanding that men and women have different brain structures and evolved to fill different roles. The way we deal with emotions differently is a reflection of that. This would give them a sense of understanding instead of alienation.
He rejected the idea they need to know any such thing because it give them an excuse to not express the feelings the right way. I pointed out we have years of study's showing the kind of long term trauma that come from trying to force people in this way because we did it to women for year.
Yeah I will refrain from explaining his opinion of that statement.
Am I in the wrong here? There is not a lot of studies I could find specifically. More of a we know this, that, and the other and they don't contradict each other...
I’m old enough to have a vague memory of the world before wokeness and, yes, PC. So I do want to point out that even then the cliché among many women was that “men are children”. Assuming the role of “Big Mother” who imposes her authority on others (the “children”) for their own good is a classic female strategy for taking power. Mother is understanding and benevolent. So this is not a recent thing. What has reallly changed I think is that societal authoritarianism used to code male and now codes strongly female. Also, there is social pressure on both sexes to conform to the “Big Mother - Little Boy” model. And that of course is super visible with young people.
Based on anecdotal observations of my grandmothers, aunts, mother, her friends, wife, sisters their friends, women I dated, woman school work and church friends, women want- 1. Maturity, 2. A breadwinner salary or the potential for one. 3. Someone who is in love with them.
Let’s not forget the “daddy issues” girls. Even many of those girls that don’t end up strippers or having substance abuse problems are still damaged goods. The emotional damage is usually just below the surface and they often look to a boyfriend for a solution to their childhood problems. Those ladies will later marry those boyfriends and the bumpy road begins.
Beginning a relationship in a skewed manner often leads to a series of problems later in life when the girl realizes that her husband isn’t her father. Then she discovers that she was misguided when the relationship was blossoming. Now her husband isn’t her father figure or her life partner, but more of a roommate. Except she has kids with her roommate…and that’s weird, borderline creepy to her.
Now the husband and kids bear the burden of her trying to navigate the feelings she has after the realization that she likely made a mistake many years ago when she chose her mate.
Can these marriages be salvaged? Sometimes, yes and sometimes never. But left in the wake of it all is a defeated husband that wanted his 2.4 kids and a wife to grow old with. Those 2.4 kids are also emotionally drained and have watched a dicey marriage sometimes dwindle to the roommate status, torpedoing their chances of having a normal marriage when they are of age.
It’s a mess and very few women will publicly admit any of it, let alone be proactive in repairing the damage to society.
To the men out there, be a man and teach your kids to be young men and young women. Do not rely on the ladies in their life to be their only role models, or else this cycle won’t ever be broken.
MAMA - Make America Manly Again.
And moms need to teach their daughters to be wives and mothers, and think for themselves. The world lies to us all but particularly girls and women. They need mom and dad to encourage her healthy life goals. Not chasing a cubicle from a boss who doesn’t give a damn about her. Not trying the be a “boss b*tch” influencer or turning to Only Fools to “get that bag, girl.” And particularly not going hog wild on a sexual frenzy in college because “you’re young, go ahead and sleep with the bad boys.”
I can hear the responses already. “ Misogynist”, “puritan”, etc.
i’m not making it up. It’s women who have invented “situation ships“, who encourage each other to “have a roster of dudes to sleep with“, have normalized “friends with benefits“, having one night stands, and abusing drugs and alcohol, basically. Degeneracy from age 15 to 30. A decade and a half of hedonistic degeneracy, and then she expects to be the wife to a good guy? She doesn’t deserve him anymore.
These gals today then brag about their “trauma“ and being “on their healing journey.“ I’ve never seen so many people brag about their mental weakness. But it’s a trend, and women like trends.
Let’s be honest here: every single human being experiences some form of trauma throughout their life. Period. When that trauma or tragedy strikes, there are only two routes. One is harsh, ugly, and demanding; the other, easy and the lowest-hanging fruit. You become a survivor or a victim. End of story.
With that being said, can a relationship heal? ONLY if the victim in them is reborn a survivor and does the ugly work of growth, discipline, and self-reflection.
Ooo… love the tag line!
Yes, these marriages are salvageable if and only if both parties are willing to look introspectively. I’ve seen it. It usually involves allowing the other party to be who they were designed to be, which is something they’ve never tried but are willing to try.
The problem is not women who want a feminized man, the problem is they’ve been brainwashed to think they want a feminized man. It’s a lie floated for the purpose of destroying a beautiful culture that brought together strong families. Somewhere along the way, narcissism took over, all according to a plan designed to destroy a strong and loving family system. Such a cruel way to gain power and control. Nothing is perfect, but destroying families or the potential for families is an evil “ends justify the means” endeavor.
There you go. Great way of putting it. And it’s true. All of it.
Evolutionarily speaking (which is a great presupposition to start from), women want males who can protect and provide.
Breaking down the family? Yes. A group of university professors here in the states (Columbia U being the catalyst) in the late 1960s gathered regularly to plot the destruction of the American family because it was the biggest detriment to the inculcation of communism. This didn’t just start.
Ok, so out of curiosity I browsed through the upstream material leading to this excellent post and guess what, every opinion about men is written by, women! I’m a man, longtime married to a woman I still struggle to understand even after decades of putting lots of effort into it. But the reality is that it’s the same the other way around! Women, particularly academic lights, seem to believe they know and understand everything about men, apparently because they’re simpletons. Men are not retreating of their own will, they’re protecting themselves from constant attacks on the very core of their being, and this by women who couldn’t even change a tire.
You’re absolutely right! It took me almost a year to find a men’s health certification and work on learning about men’s hormonal development, women don’t care (many.) I have wonderful men in my life and a son and I care and it took WORK to try even find masculine information of any kind. I’ve been fortunate in my work (more than half my clients are male) and they’ve helped me understand them better and this led me to this amazing work I do now. I too don’t understand women and I am one. I think understanding men helps me be a better woman.
Feminism is to femininity as brutes are to gentlemen. I used to adore girls and still try to be a perfect gentleman but it is sad to see how many have jumped off the pedestal into the sewer of meaningless sex. Dating should not mean f...king.
According to some recent statistics and also experience in my own work, many women (in particular) are no longer having sex altogether. They think it’s gross. I wish I was kidding.
Sex devoid of love is worthless. Girls should not jump into bed.
I’m not suggesting that they jump into bed. But the human need and hormonal intuitive need for physical intimacy is gone. Period. These new relationships between young men and women are based on social media likes and occasional dates, zero intimacy, even kissing. This is a massive problem.
So sad. What a delight it was to gently hug a lovely girl dancing many years ago.
Hold hands. Lean on each other. Listen to each other just be..it’s all gone for so many.
Not related to the topic but I would encourage you not to use AI images in your posts.
Please elaborate. Is this a personal preference of yours? Is there engagement data behind this? What would be your reasoning behind not using AI?
Are you serious? I almost feel like your response is trolling and I regret engaging with your work now. You can find posts elaborating the problems with it ALL OVER this platform. If you seriously haven’t seen these arguments, it seems like you may not even spend time on the platform.
Anyway, if you are actually asking in good faith (which I have to say, it seems like not), I’m linking comment summarizes the arguments pretty well. AI art is theft first of all.
https://hazelallenwriting.substack.com/p/ai-usage-on-substack-am-i-standing/comment/101809673?r=8euwe&utm_medium=ios
I was asking in good faith and your response makes me wish I hadn’t.
I guess I’ll have to go tell a few highly successful psychologists, including some of the world’s leaders in big five traits, dark triad traits, lead researchers, authors and professors at excellent universities. Because they’re using AI as the main pic on every post.
Might as well stop using GPS, because that’s AI and must be theft too among most of the other services we rely on these days. Thanks for stopping by! 👀
I've very pro-AI and use ChatGPT about 20 times per day--but when I'm reading text that people want to charge for(!)--
it's a turn-off if it's obviously AI-produced. It's also a turn-off if the illustrations for a "serious article" are obviously AI-produced.
One thing you can be sure, Harvard humanities if grinding on the next “flame making” thesis. The super smart girls are relentlessly precocious! The upshot from my realm, few are listening to any of them!
The biggest single complaint I have heard from men about women is NOT they aren’t into sex enough. That might be #3. #2 is chronic shopping. #1 though? Having to tiptoe around women because of their hard to handle explosive emotions. Men often CAN’T express emotions because of the meltdowns that would occur in their spouses. The idea women are having to tend to their man’s emotions completely flies in the face of most guys experience. Now….I am 74. Maybe it is different in under 30s.
55 and I totally confirm.
THE NON-PROFESSIONAL FROM THE TRENCHES VIEW.
Finally read the entire text. Very well articulated and presented. I have come to most of the same conclusions (the long hard way)just in time to be in my 70's and luckily ended with full-on alpha man but extremely intelligent and figured it out for himself also. The others I know who understand are couples of very long-term marriages. My parents and many more in the previous generation knew how to make it work. My conclusion is "the 60's, the women's lib, the bra-burning" and other political stuff (only safe word since I would use really nasty adjectives) changed everything into a FIGHT. I went that way for a time but not after becoming a mother (1985, age 32). And there were many injustices but they went so far overboard. And then all the "causes" morphed together into a money-and-fame making political "non-trad" MOVEMENT.
It is like the pendulum of politics - to the left, then the right but hopefully somewhere in the middle is the ideal balance!
Thank you for tackling this huge subject👏
Thank you so much for your experience and thoughts on this topic. You know what I find most interesting? This “bra burning” “enlightenment” was laughed about in Israel and Russia, which I find so interesting. Most progressively developed countries which have been around longer than the U.S. do not have these issues at all. It’s comical and painful to see unravel here in the United States as a naturalized American!
Having spent a lot of time in Spain with my husband’s family I understand. The attitudes are very different!
Women have become the men they want to marry.
Very few men consider what a woman does for a living an addition or subtraction to their attractiveness.
The reason why so many boss babes struggle in dating? The men these women are attracted to also have high powered careers and aren't interested in dating another version of themselves.
Yes. It’s about education, statistically speaking. Which may imply status. I think females’ natural proclivity to want to be protected is one explanation for why women want to marry a man with higher education. High education implies commitment, attention to detail, consistency.
The other thing about any sort of male-oriented focus is that guys don't seem to be wired that way. Women organize and advocate to make the world in their image.
Men don't do that. They just check out.
And now you have a bunch of socially engineered men who succeed in modern society, but are unattractive to women. And the men that they are attracted to want no part of that society.
I have always suspected that matrilineal societies and matriarchies have always existed in history. They just never lasted long enough to create a historical record. Why? Because the men just leave.
Statistically speaking, men are far more likely to marry a woman who has the same education or below, and women are far more likely to marry men with the same education or above.
Now take the fact that males are 40% of college degree earners (70% 40 years ago) and you have a dating disaster.
The ironic thing is that it appears to be about money, but it isn't. It is about status.
Women would rather marry an investment banker from Wharton making $200k than a plumber who makes $300k.
I agree with you about the status. What women seem to forget and some men too is that the marriage itself bears fruits one can’t attain just by picking status. Somehow the act of love is no longer part of the conversation. Happy and successful marriages grow from within. One day you marry a plumber the next he owns his own plumbing company. Why is that? Because he married the “right” partner. Someone who loves him. This is all lost… it went to shit. Now it’s status, materialistic and the ugliest part, even the sex is gone!
Agreed and very well said. Society needs more of this honesty.
Brent is correct though - what explains that statistic is that women usually won't select men below their education level, not that men select for the same.
When my long-term wife and friend looks at me strangely and asks what I'm thinking about and I reply "nothing." What I really mean is I'm having a quiet moment, in my mind, with my self. We (me and Me) might move some shit around but basically we don't talk much. Just a little, light house work.
Here’s an observation. A course in “Men’s studies”? What a waste of time and money. That will only get you a job as a barista (which is just a bullshit word for “coffee maker”). No man wants this and “Women’s studies” also won’t get anyone a decent job either. Put down the little black rectangles and actually live life rather than “curate” it with Instagram or tiktok.
more waffle from over credentialled cretins with well paid non jobs and too much time on their hands; so they luxuriate in a warm scented bath of smug hot air production. The best and brightest. What a fucking joke!
I am pretty funny. I’m sure it was in there somewhere, but I somehow missed the constructive thought or idea you may have concerning the issue in the article. Please help me understand better.
no constructive thought or theory per se just a bone weariness around so called “educated” types who are really merely learned by dint of reading echo chamber books and articles; and who pontificate endlessly about meaningless drivel which then gains traction in the zeitgeist as other weaker minds or worse, cunning ideologues grasp it and latch on to it as another dismal trope with which to bludgeon us more peaceful and well mannered souls who crave peace.
It really pisses me off when academics, usually tax payer funded, make big money and enjoy a long and safe career out of said mischievious mendacity when honest blue collar work is woefully underpaid (mostly).
I personally admire people who can weld, make stuff, mend stuff or grow and create useful stuff; practical people, not theorists.
A pox on the economists, social scientists and diabolical PR demons.
I have had a lifetime of being unwillingly enmeshed in theories and academic luxury head farts which have very destructive real world consequences for us ordinary folk, who basically, are well capable of running our own lives without the nannying and constant whinnying of the “clever” types.
Clever is to cunning as sales is to marketing in my red neck view.
Lets not get into the political manipulation and rampant ideology of many of the sort of ideas that your article alludes to as that conversation would gallop recklessly into endless rough country.
Tell you what did impress me though, your admirable non perturbed reaction to my pissy comment on your article. A cool head when under fire is a fine thing.
Best wishes.
Nick.
Well this was a breath of fresh air. I'm new to this insanity. My significant other who has spent more of a year avoiding me and our daughter is moving on. Now that I have been reading some of this new way of looking at men It sounds familiar..
Thank you for your middle ground approach. I read the stuff women are writing about men and well, I told one person her article was affectively hate speech. On the other side yeah a lot of that is just hate speech as well.
I feel like the man friend problem, Something I didn't even know was a problem until recently is extra unfair because men are in many ways expected to stop hanging out with their friends when starting a relationship.
I have seen this happen to almost every guy I know. The girl needs his constant attention, and don't like the idea of him going out with his buddies, for fear he will find someone else or whatever. By the time she feels comfortable to let him out he has lost the habit of being social.
So yeah I see nothing wrong with her assisting with his reintegration if that's what she needs him to do, but I don't think men need social interaction as much as women, and there's some projection happening.
When I was living with one of my best friends. We would affectively not talk to each for days. We would cook and clean and play video games together without really saying anything. One girl left him because she found it to weird.
Believe it or not, a lot of women like their space and time as well. You’ll never see any of them in movies or hear their songs because it’s anti-climactic but he we’re here, I promise.
Joseph, love your take here. You’re on to something. Notice that you were with your friend but you didn’t always communicate verbally. Men relate side by side through action. Men process negative emotion through action. Women do both with words, face to face.
So we do need other men. But we don’t need a bunch of words. We need a guy to be next to us in the boat casting a line. Then when it’s right, he’ll say, “She said she wants a divorce.” This is how men relate. And you’re right, less words.
I also fully believe that guys need their guys friends and girls need their girl friends. Neither should be compromised for the others’ insecurities.
I'm glad you are trying to spread the understanding of how men express there emotions just differently. I'm afraid for the young men out there that are being told there is something wrong with them because the don't express there emotions in the same way as women.
I was trying to help a gentleman who counsel's young men to express there feelings "correctly". I tried to encourage that the men should also receive understanding that men and women have different brain structures and evolved to fill different roles. The way we deal with emotions differently is a reflection of that. This would give them a sense of understanding instead of alienation.
He rejected the idea they need to know any such thing because it give them an excuse to not express the feelings the right way. I pointed out we have years of study's showing the kind of long term trauma that come from trying to force people in this way because we did it to women for year.
Yeah I will refrain from explaining his opinion of that statement.
Am I in the wrong here? There is not a lot of studies I could find specifically. More of a we know this, that, and the other and they don't contradict each other...
If he hasn't posted here, this other guy comments on related:
https://substack.com/@donnswykkydambitions/note/c-134222897